Attention: Service Has Been Restored

My dad sent me this hilarious (and painfully true) little service announcement that he received via e-mail earlier this week:

Dear World,

The United States of America, your quality supplier of ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has been located, and the parts responsible for it were replaced Tuesday night, November 4th.

Early tests of the newly-installed equipment indicate that it is functioning correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional by January 20th. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage, and we look forward to resuming full service --- and hopefully even to improving it in the years to come.

Thank you for your patience and understanding,

*The USA*

It is apparent that the new equipment is functioning properly, and that the damage done by the faulty parts is rapidly being repaired. Let's just hope that it is up to task before it: those loose cogs and wrenches did a lot of damage before they were extricated from the works.