Rude garden gnomes

Okay, Hans almost never gets on line, so I'm pretty safe in writing this out: I want to get Hans a rude garden gnome for Christmas. A flasher gnome, or a mooning gnome, or a gnome run over by a car, or a gnome stabbed in the back, or maybe a beer-drinking gnome: something on this order. But--it'll have to be a gnome in town, rather than, say, an Amazon gnome, or a virtual gnome of another ilk. Nope, good old ceramic kitch for him.